TMI Tuesday: Shame

  1. TMI TuesdayTell us a sexual thing/fantasy would you never want your friends to know you like or have done?
    This is an oddly difficult one to answer. On the one hand, the online me is quite open and frank about sex and sexuality, the “real life” me is a very private person and in that respect, my “private” life stays private. I don’t really want my friends and family knowing any more about my particular sexual tastes than I want to know about theirs.
  2. Has anyone ever found an item of sexy underwear, a sex toy or perhaps a picture on your phone that embarrassed you?
    No.
  3. Do you have any fantasies you could never go through with because you think you would feel ashamed?
    No, but see the answer to the next question for a fuller explanation.
  4. Have you ever felt shame after a sexual experience?
    Simple answer to this one is, once again, “no”. The reason for this is, that in my way of thinking, there is nothing shameful about any sexual act that is legal and committed between two (or possibly more if that’s your thing) consenting adults. That’s not to say I haven’t regretted things that I’ve done after they’ve happened; I suspect most of us have at least one shag in our history that, with hindsight, would have been better avoided, but that is totally different from feeling shame.The sex positivist in me actually finds it very difficult to equate sex and shame. I don’t think there can, nor should, be any shame attached to anything that two (or more, same caveat as above) people freely and consensually chose to do together.Having said that, one further caveat. Although both legal and (presumably) consensual, If I were cheating sexually on a significant other, then I suspect I would feel shame in that I would be deceiving the person I was cheating on, and possibly also the person I was cheating with if I didn’t make them aware that I was cheating. In that instance however, it’s the breach of trust that is the cause of the shame, not the sex in itself; even though the sex is the means by which the trust was breached.

Bonus:  Share a recent non-sexual moment of shame.
I genuinely can’t think of anything that I am actually ashamed of (and certainly not recently). While that may make me sound like a boring goody-goody, I should point out that I’ve done plenty of things that I’ve regretted, or been embarrassed as a result of, which I suspect falls within the spirit of the question), but the pedant in me is going to keep them to myself for now.

ZeN

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4 thoughts on “TMI Tuesday: Shame

  1. “The sex poisitivist in me actually finds it very difficult to equate sex and shame. I don’t think there can, nor shoud, be any shame attached to anything that two (or more, same caveat as above) people freely and consensually chose to do together.”

    I am totally with you on this – took me a long time to get to the point where my views and actual feelings about this matched though.

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    1. It’s not an easy journey. Sometimes, I think, the language we use around sex; words such as “naughty“, “filthy“, “sinful” etc., while being “appropriate” somehow manage to reinforce the idea that there is a “wrongness” about sex. Language is sometimes such an inadequate form of expression.

      ZeN

      Like

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