Oral Sex – The Be And End All?


The Oral Sex Project So, this teaser was posted on Twitter recently:

“Would you stay in a sexual relationship if oral sex was totally off the table?”

At a first glance, this seems like a very simple question, but give it some thought, and there are all sorts of ramifications behind it.

Firstly, there is the nature and context of the “sexual relationship” itself.

For me, sex is about what pleases both partners. If the sex was part of a deeper emotional relationship, then the absence of oral sex possibly wouldn’t really be a factor. If that were the deal breaker within the relationship, then it would have to be in a pretty bad place to begin with.

A good sex life is an important factor in a committed relationship, but it is only one factor. There are so many other things that are equally or more important, such us the emotional support you give each other. So, in this context, if oral sex was off the cards and, assuming every other aspect of the relationship (including the actual sexual activities we did enjoy) were fine, then yes, I would stay. In the same way, oral sex is only one component of a sex life. For me, it is quite an important factor (I’ll go into this in more detail later), but it is only one. There are many other activities that can be combined to make a full and enjoyable sexual encounter. The presence or absence of any one of them probably isn’t a factor as it is all about what feels right and good in the moment and in the context of that encounter.  So, in this context, if oral sex was off the cards and, assuming every other aspect of the relationship (including the actual sexual activities we did enjoy)

If on the other hand, the relationship was purely casual, purely about the sex then, since oral sex (particularly giving – but again, more of that later) is something that I particularly enjoy, then I suspect the relationship would not be sufficiently satisfying for me to stay in it.

Then, of course, there is the issue of whether by oral sex being off the cards, we are referring to giving, receiving, or both.

I’m a guy. It goes without saying that I do love getting a blow-job and, as the old adage goes, even the worst one I’ve ever had was fantastic. Having said that however, when it comes to oral sex, giving is actually far more important to me than receiving.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love getting my cock sucked. If the woman I am with offers to suck my cock, it is unlikely in the extreme that I am going to refuse her. I love the sensations and I love the intimacy, but when all is said and done, my penis enjoys any form of stimulation that the woman I’m having sex with bestows upon it.

#MasturbationMondayCunnilingus is, however, one of my favourite things. I’ve been complimented enough on my abilities to consider it one of my sexual talents. As a lover, so much of my sexual pleasure derives from the pleasure I am giving my partner and, at the risk of sounding big-headed, I’ve never been with someone who didn’t enjoy my tongue.

I enjoy sex, all of sex, but if I know that the woman I’m with is enjoying it, I enjoy it even more; it’s a sort of virtuous circle. The more she enjoys it, the more I enjoy it, the harder I work to ensure she enjoys it even more.

In this respect, if a relationship that is purely just about the sex, is ever going to be more than just a one-off, if she’s not a fan of giving head, I can probably live with it, if she doesn’t like receiving it, then it is cutting off a major source of my enjoyment of sex and so, it’s probably never going to go anywhere.

Yes, maybe that sounds a bit shallow, but life is short and sex is meant to be enjoyed by both participants, and we can’t all be sexually compatible with everybody.

So, back to the original question, would I stay in a sexual relationship if oral sex was of the cards?  The simple answer is, it depends on the relationship.

ZeN

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16 thoughts on “Oral Sex – The Be And End All?

Add yours

  1. Hi Zen, thanks for posting:
    No, it must be part of the relationship. But wait, if a medical issue or something of course.
    I am reading this as a normal healthy couple.
    How awesome you are an expert at it, if a man is not he definitely needs some guidance from his Woman to become expert level or higher.
    I am glad I am not a casual dater having to use a latex barrier, could you imagine? I cant!
    D

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  2. I totally agree… it depends on the relationship. I have been in relationships where I never had my pussy sucked and never sucked a cock and the relationship was still good.

    Rebel xox

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  3. There are so many factors the effect what goes on in a relationship. it certainly does come down to the fact that there are no clear cut answers and in the end it would depend on other things as well. Very well thought.

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  4. Everything in relationships is so nuanced and there are almost no clear, concrete answers based on a (seemingly) simple question. Love your take on this. I’m with you – it would depend. 🙂

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  5. I have to agree with pretty much everything you’ve said, including the final comment. It does depend on the relationship. If you have a good sexual relationship with someone but there’s one thing they don’t enjoy doing/receiving then you have to respect that. Swap ‘oral’ for ‘anal’ and the answer becomes clearer.
    Of course I say all this with the luxury of oral NOT being off the table. If it were I might react differently after a few months!

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  6. Some of it might depend on whether or not you’d enter into a more meaningful relationship with someone who did enjoy it, I suspect not in my case, but also whether the decline came about as the relationship developed? I was told by a long standing partner that he didn’t enjoy b.j’s as he thought they were demeaning to women… in hindsight it was one of the signs that we were sexually and emotionally disconnected. that and when he said he found my sexuality intimidating

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    1. I think it comes down to the fact that there are no universally wrong or right answers. We are all different and we have our own tastes, wants, needs and desires. I’m not an expert, but given the near infinite possibilities and combinations, the chances of finding another person that meets 100% of these 100% of the time is, I suspect, infinitesimally small. Sex, like pretty much all of life, is about compromise and finding the level of that still provides you with levels of satisfaction and fulfilment that meet your needs.

      ZeN

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  7. We both read this and can agree on most all of it. However a relationship without oral sex would be no relationship at all for either of us. Yes while it is always quite pleasurable to receive oral pleasures giving just has a spiritual edge to it that makes it the most pleasurable.

    Liked by 1 person

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