Food For Thought Friday - #F4TFridayWicked WednesdayBeauty, they say, is only skin deep. Sexy, on the other hand, goes right to the core. So what do we mean by sexy? Is it appearance, is it an attitude, or is it just some unfathomable quality that you see in someone?

Humans are a visual species, so it is impossible, I think, to completely divorce sexiness with physical attractiveness, but in my opinion, the two are not inextricably linked. While everyone has their own “standards” of what they find attractive in another person, simply finding them attractive does not necessarily mean that you also find them sexy.

Sexy is something more than just the physical. It may be an attitude, but what attitude?

Many people say they find confidence sexy; I’m one of them. At the same time, however, I would also say that I find a sexiness in vulnerability too.

I think much depends on the person; it also depends on the circumstances, and the situation.

In a club, the way someone moves when the dance may make them sexier than the other members of their group. The way someone smiles, the way they angle their head to listen and talk to you. The way they dress. The degree of confidence/hesitation they display. Our brains are constantly picking up these signals and analysing them.

So, is sexy just a chemical reaction in our brains?

Like all things human, sexy is subjective and, I think, highly individual. What I find sexy in a certain person, others may not. What one person finds sexy about me, others may be turned off by.

Wicked WednesdayFor me, it is a combination of looks and personality. I’ll be honest and admit that the physical attraction catches my attention, but it is the personality/attitude that ultimately piques my interest. Just because there may be a recognition of physical attractiveness does not mean that I automatically find a person sexy.

In this age of online friendships, sometimes the physical is actually the last thing we see, and yet, somehow, we can still engage in “sexual” stimuli; there is something that we find (for the want of a better term) sexy about that person that shapes the way we interact with them.

So while beauty and sexy may not be the same thing, they are very much, I believe, both in the eye/mind of the beholder.



14 thoughts on “Sexy

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  1. I really enjoyed this post and after our conversation last night about this very very subject I think we both struggled to define sexy. It is as you say that one thing that sets them apart in a group. Enjoyed this very much.


  2. I agree that physical matters. A connection chemistry is a bodily one as well as a mental one. I think pure sapiosexuals are much rarer than the number of bios I read with the label. I am not one. I need both. I need someone to play with my mind 🙂 but that doesn’t stop me finding someone only sexy physically and then using that to stimulate myself. Do you think the Internet has changed how we think and feel about sexiness and desire or is it just about more opportunities?


    1. I think it presents and allows us to explore opportunities more easily. It also allows people to express their tastes and desires much more openly. Whether or not this has changed attitudes as to what is considered sexy or not, I don’t know. I suspect, again, it will depend on the person concerned.


  3. Like you, I believe that what is sexy to one person might not be necessarily sexy to another. To me it’s a combination of looks and personality that makes a person sexy, and here personality weighs a lot more than looks.

    Rebel xox


  4. Was only talking about this the other day with my man. About 16 mths ago I had an accident that literally knocked me off my feet. I really didn’t feel very sexy or confident for a long time. He was commenting on my dedication to get better and then said he had still found me sexy at that time because I put across a vunerability he doesn’t always see in me.
    Lovely post KW 😉


    1. There are just so many things that press so many different buttons and it’s only when we encounter something different that it challenges, or possibly reinforces, our preconceptions.


  5. Beauty and sexy are very different things, there are beautiful women and there are sexy women, not always the same thing, not always one of the other at the same time. Met my wife online, there was a sexiness before I saw her face. Personality does the lions share of sexy, but it could be as simple as the look in someone’s eye. Great post


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