Dominance Through Cunnilingus


Wicked WednesdayOne of the things I really don’t understand is the idea that performing cunnilingus on a woman is somehow an inherently submissive act. I get that it can be. I realise that porn abounds with images of the Domme female forcing her sissy male to eat her out. I understand, really I do.

But just because something can be done in a submissive fashion, doesn’t make it inherently submissive. You will no doubt have read the views of many female bloggers, women who identify as submissive, on the “power” and “control” they feel when they are sucking a cock. Does this suddenly maker the submissive woman Dominant in that relationship? No, of course it doesn’t. The chances are, while she may still doing it to please her Dominant; I suspect however, that rather than sucking cock as an act of submission, mostly the women in question are sucking cock because they love to suck cock.

The same is true for me and cunnilingus. It is something I love to do. I love the taste of a woman. I love her reactions as I feast on her. On top of all that, I love the fact that when my face is between her thighs, her pleasure is mine to dictate. I can choose how rough or how tenderly I treat her. I can decide how much teasing she has to endure before my tongue moves between her labia and works over her clit. I can dictate the pace and the power. Furthermore, I have absolute control over her orgasm.

The Oral Sex ProjectI can chose to award her one quickly. I can choose to prolong the experience. I can take her to the edge over and over until I relent. I can push her beyond the limits of her endurance, driving her over the edge repeatedly until she begs me to stop (which I alone will decide whether or not I do). I can, on occasion, take her to the very brink and then deny her the final release should I so desire.

So far from being a submissive act, cunnilingus is simply another tool in the Dominant’s arsenal; a tool that, when used effectively can reward and punish in equal measure.

Ultimately however, the main reason I go down on a woman, is simply because it is something I thoroughly enjoy doing, whatever the end result.

KW

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17 thoughts on “Dominance Through Cunnilingus

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  1. When I was tied up and blindfolded last night and given orders to relax into my orgasm during cunnilingus, I felt pretty subby! 😉 It can absolutely be an act of domination, and god, do I love when it is.

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  2. This post certainly generated some interesting discussion. I wonder what folks think about partners who are reluctant to give cunnilingus when you really enjoy it…
    Indie

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  3. For me, it depends on the scene whether I find giving him a blowjob a submissive act or not. As for cunnilingus, I never ever see him as being submissive when he sucks me. Like you said, through licking me, he can still dominate me!

    Rebel xox

    Thanks for linking this to The Oral Sex Project too!

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  4. I agree, I to love the taste of my wife. Although she is self conscious about herself she stills let me , because she knows that I enjoyed it

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  5. [Begin Opinion-ing]

    I don’t think anything is “inherently” dominant OR submissive. And pretty much *everything* has the potential to be, while *nothing* _needs_ to be.

    When it comes to choices of sexual activity, it is – in my opinion – a matter of You do YOU.

    Power exchange between partners, in my experience, relies on energy. It’s much more about Who You Are and How You Feel/Respond (which can vary from one situation to the next, and/or from one partner to the next). It is not a tick-box list of activities, and it looks/feels different for everyone.

    [/Steps Off Soapbox]

    I see statements of a “you must be _________ if you _________” nature from ‘true’ Dom/mes and ‘real’ subs, and they drive me nuts.

    Does choosing to perform oral sex on my husband make me submissive? Not bloody likely.

    So THANK YOU for this. It’s refreshing to see “I do _________ because I like it” from other people. Because, relatable.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. With you on every word. I hate the whole real men/women do… You can’t be a Dom is you don’t do… You must be sub if you… thing. I hate generalisations like this because they ignore the fundamental precept that we are all different and we all have our own likes/dislikes/tastes/desires.

      My whole attitude is based around, if I like doing something/having something done to me, and the person I’m with likes me doing it/doing it to me, then we should both go for it and enjoy it.

      The D/s is just the wrapper that provides a context for the activity in question.

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  6. I love it when a man loves to go down. I agree, oral sex is not an inherently dominant or submissive act. It is what it is when you do it. it is what it is between the two people who share it – and the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual connotations are whatever those two people decide they are.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m irrationally annoyed by this and I hate my reaction to it… Because I love the idea of this sort of situation, but it feels so remote a possibility that I struggle to buy into it. I cannot conceive of someone having that level of control over my body – it can be so fickle, there may be any number of reasons why I might not orgasm none of which would be anything to do with what a dominant partner is doing to me. I just struggle to imagine a situation where he could “dictate my pleasure”. And that’s frustrating af because it sounds fun!!

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    1. I can only speak of my own experiences and, in particular, a relationship where we were sufficiently in tune for what I’ve described to be possible.

      Ultimately though, you are right, your orgasm is yours to have (or not have) as it pretty much decides. They can be fickle things.

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