Dominant Language & The BDSM Test


So, the other night, I was chatting to a friend about the language I use in my stories . More specifically, I was discussing the language used in my stories by which the Dominant addresses his submissive. In some stories, the Dominant will use harsh terms like  “slut” or “whore”; whereas in others, the Dominant will address his submissive in softer, endearing  terms, e.g. “little one”.

Now, in real life, I favour the latter approach myself. I’m not averse to using “derogatory” terms if the situation merits it. Certainly, in my writing, I try to match the language to dynamic of the scene that is unfolding.

In real life, however, I am a bit of a big softie. For me, the role of the Dominant is to cherish, guide and support his submissive, helping him or her to grow and fulfil themselves. Yes, that can involve discipline, but where it does, such discipline should be proportionate and never just for discipline’s sake. It needs to be part of a lesson, part of the instruction, the direction that a Dominant provides his/her submissive with to help them grow and develop.

Submission does not mean weakness. A submissive can be strong and confident, and a good Dominant helps build this in their submissive.

Ultimately, as I have said before, It’s about respect. The Dominant nurtures, guides and cherishes their submissive and the submissive “rewards” their Dominant with their submission and by placing their trust in them.

BDSM Test ResultsAnyway, one suggestion that came out of these chats was that I try the “BDSM test“, which I duly did, and the accompanying chart shows my results.

The results weren’t too much of a surprise to me. Given my penchant for showing off bits of me for #SinfulSunday, and my generally relaxed attitude towards nudity, I expected the “Exhibitionist” score to be quite high. What I didn’t expect was for “Rigger” to be at top the list as, actually, restraint rarely features in my sexual arsenal. I was also a bit surprised at how highly “Daddy” scored as I will admit that it has always been a term that I’ve been more than a little uncomfortable with, but if it relates to caring, supporting and nurturing, them I kind of understand how it got there. I do wish they’d used a different term, but that’s just my own particular foible.

Everything else was pretty much as I expected; although I would have considered myself to be a bit more experimental than the results seem to suggest.

Despite my use derogatory language in my writing, I wasn’t at all surprised that “Degrader” actually scored a resounding zero.

So there you go, a very brief insight into the random inner workings of my mind. Make of it what you will.

ZeN

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6 thoughts on “Dominant Language & The BDSM Test

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  1. Interesting conversation. My top categories suggest I like both aspects of a play (ie rigger/rope bunny; primal (predator)/primal (prey) but switch came in at about 59%. The thing for me is that it really depends on who the other person is – there were only two previous lovers I would trust to restrain me and only one of those (Ryan) would have been happy to push me further within that restraint. (God to have my time back again!) On the other hand Ryan was also a person who was comfortable being restrained, and whose boundaries I could push. Maybe I simply haven’t met Mr/or Ms right yet…

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    1. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. We answers these questions with our “ideal” not necessarily our “reality”. I guess much depends on the distance between those two points. For some they will be closer than others depending on the dynamic of the relationship they are in.

      ZeN

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  2. I’ve found that particular test to be fairly accurate as those kinds of things go. But as with any generalized measurement of the sort, the scores are as much dependent on how the testee interprets the questions as they are on the questions themselves. I remember having “rope bunny” come up as a high score for me (40-ish%) the first time I took it. And sometimes no sense can be made of the results, regardless. Which is not remotely accurate – being on the receiving end of restraint is one of my hard limits.

    I recently had a partner take that test, and we went over each question together (via video call); there were multiple times he answered in ways that surprised me, so I took to asking “Why?” and “How are you interpreting that question?” Which led, of course, to some interesting discussions. (Which, for me, is the whole point of these types of things anyway.)

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    1. I don’t read much into it other than it was a bit of fun and that, as you say, the results are open to interpretation. That said, on the whole my results do fall broadly in line with what I would have expected.

      ZeN

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