Dating v Hooking Up

Food For Thought Friday - #F4TFridayThe last date that I had in the “traditional” sense of the word was back in 2005. It was, coincidentally, the third date that me and the woman in question had been on and, yes, we did have sex for the first time as a result. As it happened, a bit later we had sex for the second time and, assuming the next morning still counts as being part of “the date”, we had sex again.

Although we never dated again, given that we became a couple for a number of years after it, we did have quite a lot of sex, but I digress.

Prior to that, I would need to go back to 1989 where I was dating the woman who would become my girlfriend, fiancée, wife and, ultimately, ex-wife when we split up in 2004. Actually, that’s a bit of a lie. In late 2003/early 2004 when my marriage was in its final painful throes, I did have a handful of “dates” with two other women. They both knew my situation. In both cases, the sex didn’t happen until the second time we got together. The first meeting being a social one to see if there was any sort of spark/chemistry.

Of course, despite the fact that I “met” all three of the women (who weren’t my ex-wife) online via dating/contact sites, all of this was back in the pre-social media dark ages.

Since then, I have had sex with a number of women that I have met via Twitter. In every case the sex has happened on the first occasion that we have actually met in person. The difference between these “hook-ups” and the earlier “dates” has been the fact that, via social media, the spark/chemistry/sexual desire has all been established long in advance of the actual meeting. The “hook-up” and actual sex part was, ultimately, the consummation and culmination of what we had been building to over an extended period.

So, based on the above, I have fucked on the first, second, and third “dates”. Does it matter? Ultimately, in my view, no. If two people are attracted to each other and want to have sex with each other then, if the situation to do so presents itself, I see no reason why they shouldn’t just get on with getting down.  Having said that, if for your own reasons, you want to wait for a bit, then that is fine too. Yes, sadly, in this world, others may judge, but that’s on them. The only opinions that actually matter in these situations are your own, and that of the person you are dating/hooking-up with, and want to have sex with. What anyone else thinks about your situation is irrelevant and they should really keep their noses out of other people’s business.



14 thoughts on “Dating v Hooking Up

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  1. I haven’t dated in the traditional sense since 1998 being still married to the person I dated then. I have hooked up a lot of times in the last ten years through various avenues including social media. I feel unqualified to comment much about having sex on the first date when you are looking for a life partner but I did recently make an interesting observation,
    A 25 year old colleague has been sharing his Tinder adventures with me. He is quite good looking and so the ride has been hard and fast. He has however not lost sight of the end goal of finding ‘the one’. Interestingly he confided recently that he may have found her and one of the tell tale signs was that he didn’t want to fuck on the first date.
    Maybe waiting isn’t such an old fashioned idea!


  2. I wonder how much the evolution of the internet (including social media) over the last 25-30 years has helped inform and, dare I say, update our attitudes towards what is “acceptable” sexual behavior?


  3. I totally agree. Each to their own. Personally, I am not adverse to first date sex if the spark is there and sometimes I have only been messaging someone for a day or so, but boy was there spark! I never go into anything with the expectation of a one night stand but CNM is more my style.

    That said I have also gone with almost two months of texting and phone calls before meeting someone with a view to that first date being for sex. I have also met people and not had sex with them on a first date or second date, so it really depends on the individuals and the expectation of the meet.

    I generally find that people who are quicker at heading for the bedroom tend to be more invested in a non-monogamous set up, and those who are looking for something more exclusive will wait around and see how things develop before getting down to it. But that’s just my personal experience.


    1. Your final point is interesting and I hadn’t considered it, but there’s possibly something to it; my experience is somewhat limited as I tend to either be in a long-term mono relationship or single/hooking up.

      Ultimately though, the only “right” answer is the one that is right for you, and that can change from person to person and situation to situation.


  4. I agree, it’s not necessary for people to confine their actions based on an old-fashioned grossly imposed control method based in shame. Do what makes you happy-when it makes you happy.


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