Women On Top

Kink of The WeekI suspect that it’s pretty fair to say that the subject of Female Domination is not one I know much, if indeed anything, about. There is, of course, a very good reason for this: while, in a D\s setting, I may identify as “a Dominant”, I am, very obviously, not a woman. I have also never experienced domination from the perspective of the one being dominated, i.e. the submissive.

My only “experience” with fem-domme comes through the imagery of porn and, if I’m being completely honest, such imagery tends to leave me more than a little cold.

Partially, it is because of my on identification; I simply cannot put myself in the position of the male in the scene. The other, for me at least, off-putting aspect is the imagery itself.

Discipline, particularly in the form of corporal punishment, features quite heavily in D/s porn. The Dominant may have the submissive over their knee and be administering a spanking. Alternatively a belt or a cane or some other implement may be used. The bottom of the recipient of the discipline may be covered or bare as fits with the scene being portrayed.

While the subject maybe the same irrespective of whether the Dominant is male or female, the subtext in which it is set is often at completely opposite ends of the spectrum. In male-Dominant/female-submissive imagery, there is frequently (not always I concede) an air of respect between the participants. The submissive has committed some transgression and respectfully accepts the consequences; the Dominant administers the chastisement in a way that depicts it as being a form of direction rather than correction, there is an air of guiding the submissive back to the correct path for their own growth and protection. In female-Dominant/male submissive imagery, the dynamic is frequently one of humiliation; the male with his penis in some sort of chastity device, grovelling at the feet of his Dominatrix Mistress. He may be required to lick her boots or maybe she is applying a stiletto heel to a particularly tender part of his anatomy.

There is, I hasten to add, nothing wrong with either set of images. Each of us have our own tastes and these are influenced to a greater or lesser extent by the way we identify ourselves. For me, whereas I can “see” myself in and relate to the former depictions in a way that interests and arouses me, I simply cannot connect with the latter; the situation is not one I can place myself in even at the most basic level of intellectual curiosity, and so it turns me off.

I should make clear, for anyone for whom female Domination is a thing, I am in no way criticising your tastes and/ or appetites. This is very much a case of “your kink is not my kink” and that’s fine because the reverse is probably also true.

Accepting differences is part of being inclusive and being inclusive is, I happen to think, a big part of what this community is about. This isn’t my thing, but that’s not important. What is important is that if it’s your thing, then embrace it and enjoy it.



4 thoughts on “Women On Top

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  1. Same for me, this is not my kink but I totally get why it is for some folks. With regards to the porn I often find their is way to much of an humiliation element on male dome, female sub porn too. Too much spitting, face, slapping, using words like pig etc all of which leave me colder than cold



    1. I guess I’ve just been fortunate to avoid that in the limited amount of porn I consume.

      I know some people get off on the humiliation thing, but it’s never been a thing that did anything for me.


  2. I don’t relate to either set of porn-based images/scenarios (M/f nor F/m) you describe. It’s unfortunate that these are the tropes most consistently perpetuated, because I do not find them realistic or even remotely sexy.

    I can relate to your “Nope, that actively turns me off” reaction. I tend to feel that way about porn in general, but when it comes to identifying with the role(s) being played by the actor of my same sex in those sorts of scenes… Yeah, NO. 😉


    1. Actually, I’m kind of with you on porn. I like a nice, low key lit “arty” black and white image but generally speaking, films don’t do it for me. I just don’t find asthmatics having sex a turn on… 😉


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