TMI Tuesday – Tell the Truth

TMI TuesdayTell the Truth

  1. A friend gave you a pie touting it as a favourite family recipe, and you ate this pie and got sick–or had an allergic reaction. The friend calls a few days later to ask, “How did you like the pie?” What would you say?
    I would have to be honest and say I got sick (as it may have had some off ingredients) or an allergy (so that they know not to give me the same thing again). I would also let them know that, despite the unfortunate consequences, whether or not I liked it.
  2. Your significant other really wants to try the “swingers’ lifestyle” but you really do not want to do this. Do you:
    a. Tell him/her no, you are not interested
    b. Do it, and go along to make her/him happy
    c. Say yes, because you’ll try anything once
    d. Say no, with no explanation and forbid your significant other from venturing into swinging.
    Well, as I personally would have no problem with this whatsoever, I suspect my first reaction would be to look into how we could make it happen. There is a swingers club in Edinburgh, so I suspect that would be my first point of call.If this question really did apply to me, I would admit that it wasn’t my thing. I wouldn’t, however, forbid them from exploring it.
  3. Have you texted nude photos to someone and had it come back to bite you in the ass – as in someone taking revenge for your misjudgement?
    Fortunately no, but then I am very careful about who I send photos to, and the ones I post online are fairly anonymous.
  4. Have you or would you ever stop having a relationship with someone who had a weight problem, and their physique drastically changed?
    Seriously? What kind of shallow bastard would do this.  I think if I were actually that kind of person, ironically, the other person could do far better than me anyway, so I’d be doing them a favour.
  5. Would you rather find true love or win the lottery with winnings of £10,000?
    I suspect possibly true love (if it exists). I’m not especially material, and while I can’t deny £10k would be a nice windfall, it wouldn’t ultimately make me a happier person.

Bonus: Which topic of conversation do you avoid at all costs – politics or religion?
I think the current state of the world is such that they are both so tightly intertwined, you almost cannot discuss one without the other being part of it; so in that respect, I try equally hard to avoid both.

ZeN

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The Ex Factor

Wicked WednesdayI will freely admit, without any reservation whatsoever that I have, in fact, had sex with every one of my exes.

Now, while this statement is absolutely 100% truthful, it doesn’t actually take into account the fact that, at the time I was having sex with them, I was actually still in a relationship with the woman in question, and so, at that particular point in time, she had yet to actually become an ex. OK, so I accept, that is a huge technicality, but it doesn’t negate the truth of my opening statement.

The fact is, however, that I have never had sex with someone after I have stopped being in a relationship with them so that they have become, in fact, an ex.

Generally, this has been for entirely logical reasons.  In the case of my very first “proper” girlfriend, we moved apart when we left school and went our separate ways to University and, ultimately, met other people.  This was in the late 1980’s so there were no mobile phones, social media, or email to keep in near constant contact with. If anyone thinks long-distance is hard nowadays, imagine it in the pre-internet dark ages.

Another couple of relationships at university were short term and simply fizzled out after the initial novelty wore off.

And then, of course, there is “THE EX“, i.e. my ex-wife.

In total, we were together for 16 years and married for 12 of those. I was her “first” although, she had done pretty much everything else apart from intercourse with her previous boyfriend. I was slightly more experienced than she was by virtue of the partners mentioned above, but not by very much and the overwhelming majority of what I know about my sexual tastes, desires, preferences, attitudes and appetites were learned during those 16 years that I spent with her.

Our split, when it happened, was particularly hard. I still carry the scars of it some 12 years later. Oddly, however, even as the relationship itself fell apart, the one thing that remained absolutely great right up until almost the very end was, surprise surprise, the sex. We had drifted apart as people, to the point where we were two separate individuals living under the same roof as opposed to the unit we had been as a couple. We were, in fact, by this stage, also both having sex outside what remained of our relationship. All in all it was pretty toxic and was damaging my health, but when we fucked, for that brief interlude, everything clicked back into place.

I suspect it was the long and easy familiarity we had for each other’s bodies and the things that turned us on. There was also a very definite element of anger and resentment towards each other in the way we fucked that, perversely, just made the fucking even better while, at the same time, hastened the relationship’s final ending.

I’ve had a couple of relationships since we split, and she married the guy she was fucking behind my back.  All things considered, we are on reasonably good terms, although we only actually speak to each other when we absolutely have to.

Knowing how good the sex between us was, could I ever go back?

Simple answer, no. In the infinitesimally unlikely event that the possibility ever arose, I really don’t think that would be a good idea for either of us.

ZeN

Winter

I must admit, I hadn’t actually thought about the kinky connections of winter. Having said that, as we hurtle towards one of my least favourite times of the year, I’m not really thinking about the kinky connections of anything.

First off, I am fortunate that I don’t suffer from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). On account of my depression, I’m a miserable fucker all year round, the only difference between winter and summer being that it’s colder, so I generally wear more clothes.

There is something nice about snuggling up with someone in the comfortable warmth of indoors when the weather outside is cold and bleak and daylight is an increasingly rare commodity.

Whether its under a blanket on the sofa, in bed and a heavy tog duvet, or lying together in front of a log fire, there is very little that beats the intimacy and closeness of a good, long lazy snuggle (except, perhaps, when the “snuggle” is somewhat less lazy).

And that, possibly, is one advantage of this time of year; when it’s cold outside, we turn the heating up inside. There’s something about being warm and cozy that lends itself to activities of an amorous nature.  As the temperature rises, the layers of clothing can fall away. What started with a cuddle, can progress to sharing body heat in an altogether more vigorous fashion.

It’s kind of the ultimate “Netflix & Chill” where the “chilling” most certainly involves keeping warm. And as we approach the Winter Solstice and almost 16 hours of darkness, there is only so much Netflix you can watch, and there are much nicer things two people can be doing to while away the longest winter nights.

ZeN

TMI Tuesday – Roll With It!

TMI TuesdayRoll With It!

  1. With whom would you like to take a bath?
  2. You are driving motorcycle hard down a country road, wind in your hair. Who is the hottie on the bike with you that you will be riding later?
  3. Baking naked–who is kneading your dough? 😉
  4. Come sail away, come sail away, come and sail away with me! Who is joining you for a sexy sea adventure?
  5. “I got your back.” Hands down who do you fully support, stick by no matter what, Who are you willing to help at all costs?
     
    I am kind of cheating this week but only for the simple reason that the answer to all five of the above questions is the same person. Yes, I know, it’s all a bit boring, but when you have that one special friend that you share many a wonderful sexual adventure with, they have to be first choice.

Bonus: Belly button– “inny” or “outty”? Are you going to show us? 😀
It is an “inny” and you can see plenty of evidence here.

ZeN

Schrödinger’s Wanker

#MasturbationMondaySome of you will, no doubt, be at least passingly familiar with the concept of Schrödinger’s cat; the idea postulated to explain the strange nature of quantum superpositions, in which a quantum system such as an atom or photon can exist as a combination of multiple states corresponding to different possible outcomes. The prevailing theory at the time said that a quantum system remained in this superposition until it interacted with, or was observed by, the external world, at which time the superposition collapses into one or another of the possible definite states.

Still with me?

To illustrate this. Schrödinger  proposed a scenario with a cat in a locked steel chamber, wherein the cat’s life or death depended on the state of a radioactive atom, whether it had decayed and emitted radiation or not.

One of the obvious problems with this, aside from its inherent cruelty to the cat is that, depending on how long the radioactive material actually took to decay, the cat could die for a number of totally unrelated reasons, i.e. starvation or, more likely due to need for the steel box in question to be sealed to prevent stray radiation entering from outside, asphyxiation. Another possibility is that the cat could die out of sheer boredom. All of these deaths could occur without radioactive decay and would, therefore, render the experiment invalid (and pointless).

This did get me thinking, in an oddly roundabout way, about the internet and the way we interact with each other over it.

In this scenario, the “internet” is the closed box and I am the cat/wanker in question. Now, at the time of writing this particular piece of nonsense, I am most definitely not having a wank. For one thing, I’m male and multi-tasking is not my thing, and for another, my general lack of typing ability means that I primarily use my dominant hand for both activities; so if I’m doing one, I cannot be doing the other. QED.

But what about from the readers’ frame of reference?

Assuming anyone reads this, they will be reading it at a different point of time from when I wrote it. I am, therefore, unobservable because I am inside that box that is the internet. I could therefore, be wanking and or not-wanking when you read these words. As such, I would simultaneously be performing an act of masturbation, while also not masturbating at the same time. You, my dear reader, would never know unless you were able to somehow peek inside “the box” (presumably using a web cam or similar) while reading these words.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the audience; I present to you…

Schrödinger’s Wanker…

ZeN

The One And Only Way…

Every now and then I stumble across one of those articles/posts that falls into the:

Real Doms

and:

You can’t be Dominant if you don’t

categories. These kinds of articles really piss me off.

Why?

Because they are a total load of shite!

It’s bad enough trying to kinksplain D/s to a vanilla audience but when the shite is being spouted by individuals pertaining to be in the D/s community, it just makes things worse.

D/s relationships are not about pain or punishment, they are not about forcing someone else to your will, they are not about power and control and exploitation.

Well, OK, that’s not strictly true. D/s relationships can be about those things if that is dynamic of a particular relationship. If it is, and it works, and the individuals are happy with it, then great. It can be about those things, but it doesn’t have to be.

So here’s the thing, as I see it, a D/s relationship is, first and foremost, a relationship. Every relationship is as unique as the people who live within it. Every relationship has its own dynamic, its own set of “rules” that make it work. Possibly even more so than is the case in purely vanilla relationships, trust, respect and honesty are the fundamental keystones and foundations of a D/s relationship. A Dom is not a Dom because they beat/punish/discipline their submissive. They are a Dom because they nurture and protect, guide and support their submissive. If within the context of that relationship this is demonstrated and achieved through spankings and/or other forms of discipline, then so be it. It works, so great.

Similarly, a sub isn’t a sub because they have no will of their own or are weak. Again, this may be how it plays out within a particular dynamic of a particular relationship, but it doesn’t mean it applies universally.

Even within the confines of one relationship, what was right yesterday, may not be appropriate today and what works today may, for a myriad of reasons, by off limits tomorrow.

D/s relationships have their issues and unforeseen circumstances just like any other relationship and, fundamentally, this is because they are just another relationship.

Anyone who says that “A Dom must do so and so” or “You can’t be a Dom if you don’t do such and such” or “If you are a sub, you must perform whatever” is basically talking out of their arse.  There is no one right way to do D/s just as there is no one right way to do any relationship. The fundamental essential foundations of any relationship are pretty much the same, regardless of the flavour.

If there is to be only one right way it is, quite simply, whatever way is right for you. A Dom doesn’t have to use their belt or a cane and a sub doesn’t have to be humiliated or locked up in a cage. If that’s what works for you, that’s fantastic, keep doing it and don’t let anyone else tell you that you are wrong. If it isn’t your thing, don’t feel that it should be because some “know it all” says you should. Do what is right for you because, ultimately, it’s nobody else’s business what  you and your partner(s) get up to within the context of the relationship you share with them.

ZeN

TMI Tuesday – Sexy Specifics

TMI TuesdaySexy Specifics

  1. What do you find sexiest in a woman?
    I’ve written about this before . I don’t think there is any one thing that makes a woman “sexy”. While physical appearance/attraction may be the initial hook, what draws us in and lands us is a combination of things; looks, personality, humour, attitude, confidence. A self-assured woman with a hint of vulnerability who can fuck me with her eyes before a word has been spoken is pretty much my kryptonite.
  2. What do you find least sexy in a man?
    Being male and boringly straight, the thing I find least sexy about men is that they are men.
  3. Have you ever been the other woman or man? Would you do it again?
    Yes, I have been the other man. It wasn’t the easiest or best situation, but we both knew where we stood and what we wanted out of it (basically sex). The sex was very good and there were no “deeper” expectations. Would I do it again? I suspect not. I hope I never find myself in circumstances that even come close to those I was in at the time. Having said that, I guess I can’t entirely rule the possibility out. The most accurate answer is probably that I have no intention of doing it again, but circumstances can change.
  4. Who puts more into a romantic relationship you or your significant other?
    I think both parties have to put similar amounts of work/investment into a relationship or, ultimately, it ceases to be a relationship. That’s not to say the effort is equal all the time, but it should average out so that there are no obvious imbalances.
  5. Do you have a work wife” or “office husband?
    No, but since I work from home, if I did, it would have to be my cat, which would just be weird.

Bonus: Are you in a healthy relationship? What makes you think so?
See the answer to Q4 above.

ZeN

No Worries…

Penis ProjectIt’s a strange one, isn’t it? Ask a woman what size her boobs are and, assuming she’s willing to divulge such information, she’ll tell you. Ask a man how big his cock is, and you’ll probably be met with something along the lines of: “Um, dunno, probably about 6 inches”. If you are really unlucky, he may take that as an invitation to send you a photo of it.

Now I suspect one of the reasons women know their measurements much more accurately than we men know ours is that they have to get themselves fitted to wear an uncomfortable garment that, ultimately, is still the wrong size; whereas we don’t need to worry about such things. Also, a woman’s boobs, even when modestly covered are still pretty much on display; whereas what we men have in our trousers is, by and large, more discreetly concealed.

It’s not that we men are reticent about our penises; far from it. Indeed, we seem to take the opportunity to proudly wave them about at every opportunity, so why are we generally so vague on their dimensions?

Well, for one thing, their dimensions are decidedly inconstant. Mine changes according to the mood I’m in, the temperature, whether or not I need to pee, my partner’s state of undress or what she happens to be doing at any given moment. When I’m cold it can shrivel down to virtually nothing, when aroused it is, well, whatever size it is.

The fact is that the women I’ve been with have all seemed to like it. When I was younger, before any member of the opposite sex had even seen my member, I used to have some concerns that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t “man enough” in that department, but such doubts were quickly dispelled by the first girl to see it (and subsequently feel it) and the comments that I have had directed about it have all been favourable.

#MasturbationMondayThe insecurity, such as it was, came from comparing my cock in its flaccid state with other lads my age. I am very much what you might describe as a “grower”. The other problem is, things always look smaller when you look down on them, and given that since my early teens I have been about 5′10″ that’s a reasonably long way down to look. Of course, even then, I knew that the size of a penis in its flaccid state bears no relation to its size when fully erect, but that was all I had to go on.

Even as I grew more confident, thanks to the appreciative comments of the women who saw it in the flesh, I’d still rather that their first view of it was in at least a semi-erect state.

I’m over such things now. Even when I had “hang-ups” I still knew that it wasn’t really the size that was the important thing, nor was my penis the only thing that gave women pleasure during sex.

I have learned that, ultimately, the important thing is, is that the woman I am with likes it and what I do with it. As for how big it is, um, I dunno, about 6″ I guess.

ZeN

Cheating

It’s one of those perennial “truth or dare” type questions that comes around now and again.

Have you ever cheated? If so, what were the reasons behind it, and how did you feel afterwards?

The honest answer to this question is: “Yes“. I’m not proud of the fact, despite the fact that some may say I had justification for doing so; but yes, I have cheated.

The circumstances, and I am not attempting to justify my actions, were difficult. My (then) wife had had at least three affairs that I was aware of. While not exactly turning a blind eye to such things, for the sake of my marriage and the fact that, despite this, I did love her, I was prepared to live with it. We were together for 16 years.

It was only in the last few, painful, months that I finally strayed myself.

Some might think it was a form of retaliation; it wasn’t. I didn’t actually go looking for someone else to have sex with, it just happened. The fact that the woman involved was, herself, married, only added to the generally fucked-upness of the situation.

I was at a pretty low place in terms of my depression (I had had a complete breakdown some months earlier) and I was flattered that, in my broken state, someone found me remotely attractive. The affair, such as it was, lasted about a year, continuing some six months after I eventually moved out.

Despite my circumstances, I still felt bad about it. Not because I’d held some moral high ground for sticking to my vows while my wife had flaunted hers, but because somehow I had become “that guy”; the one who uses his own sorry situation to get himself laid.

The sex, however, was very good. It filled a gap in what was left with the relationship with my wife. I didn’t feel guilty, nor did I feel a sense of vindicated retaliation. It was simply some very good sex, where there no longer was any sex at home (well, actually, there was sex going on at home, but it wasn’t me having it).

I still felt bad about it though.

Humans: we love to complicate things.

ZeN

TMI Tuesday – Spice it up!

TMI TuesdaySpice it up!

  1. Why should you have sex on a first date?
    Why not? If the chemistry is there and both of you are willing, just go for it if it seems right. If the sex is “passable” then you know it may be worth trying again. If the sex is downright awful, then you probably know it’s not going anywhere, but at least you both got a shag.
  2. Why do you like giving oral sex?
    I had to change this question because as a sensualist it is something I love doing and I love everything about going down on a woman; the taste, the scent, the sounds, her every reaction. Quite simply, it’s something I can’t get enough of.
  3. Tongue or no tongue? Explain.
    Tongue – just because it’s natural. The more aroused you get, the more it’s likely to happen.
  4. Would you have a sugar daddy or sugar mama?
    No. Even as someone who identifies as “Dominant”, I’ve always felt uncomfortable about the term “Daddy”. Not being judgemental because I appreciate that it works in some couples’ dynamic and that kink is a very personal thing, it’s just not my thing.
  5. What’s a sure sign that you need to get laid?
    It’s a day of the week that has the letter “Y” in it’s name. In all seriousness though, I don’t think I ever actually do need to get laid but I am aware that sometimes my frustration could do with some release and, given my tendency towards “orgasmic reticence” when I have a wank, the best way to relieve it is a bloody good shag.

Bonus: Right this very second, which do you prefer– to make love or fuck like a wild animal?
Full disclosure, at this moment, neither; I’d rather be asleep as I’ve been on the go since 4am. I’ve never liked the term “make love”; it implies that sex and love are the same thing which, in my opinion, they most definitely are not. You can have sex with someone you don’t love and you can love someone without having sex with them. Love is an emotion, sex is a physical (and mental) activity. The upshot of this is that I am definitely #TeamFuck.

ZeN