Word for Wednesday – Hedonism

Hedonism

/ˈhiːdəˌnɪzəm; ˈhɛd-/
noun
  1. Ethics
    (a) the doctrine that moral value can be defined in terms of pleasure
    (b) the doctrine that the pursuit of pleasure is the highest good
  2. the pursuit of pleasure as a matter of principle
  3. indulgence in sensual pleasures

I am a sensualist. When it comes to sex, I am all about the senses; the more the senses are involved, the more intense the experience.

Sight
Men are, apparently, visual creatures. I am no exception. I’m not just talking about the enjoyment of seeing my partner naked; although that is part of it. It’s about seeing their reactions. How a certain touch makes them respond. The involuntary twitches/flinched, the changes in their expression; it’s a form of visual feedback that is, in itself, a rewarding experience.

Wicked WednesdaySound
Sound is such a strong sensual element of sex. There are the sounds your partner makes; the moans, the gasps, the sighs, the verbal tics that demonstrate their pleasure. There are the sounds of leather striking skin, the sounds of the bed protesting beneath us, the sounds of two bodies moving together in a sexual collision. Then there’s the sounds of orgasm itself; mine and, more importantly, hers. It is the confirmation that I have taken her to that highest plane of pleasure.

Scent
I am anosmic. Not fully so, but my sense of smell is very weak. It is still an important sense. When I’m going down on a woman, her scent combines with her taste, making my enjoyment of this particular activity even stronger.

Touch
I am extremely tactile. I love touching and being touched. I love the feel of my partner’s skin against mine. But it’s also about how my partner responds to my touch. How she reacts as I touch her nipples, how wet she gets as I slide my fingers into her, the sensations as her lips slide along my cock. Then there is that wonderful feeling as her wet warmth surrounds my hardness; the insides of her thighs rubbing against the oustides of mine as our bodies move together.

Taste
From the taste of her perspiration on her skin, to the sweet richness of her juices as I lick her, taste is a deep sensual experience. When I’m face down between her thighs, I can gauge her arousal from her flavour.

Each sense provides its own sensations, it’s own element of the overall experience. For a sensualist like me, the more the senses are engaged, the higher the arousal, the deeper the pleasure and the fuller the enjoyment.

ZeN

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TMI Tuesday – Tell the Truth

TMI TuesdayTell the Truth

  1. A friend gave you a pie touting it as a favourite family recipe, and you ate this pie and got sick–or had an allergic reaction. The friend calls a few days later to ask, “How did you like the pie?” What would you say?
    I would have to be honest and say I got sick (as it may have had some off ingredients) or an allergy (so that they know not to give me the same thing again). I would also let them know that, despite the unfortunate consequences, whether or not I liked it.
  2. Your significant other really wants to try the “swingers’ lifestyle” but you really do not want to do this. Do you:
    a. Tell him/her no, you are not interested
    b. Do it, and go along to make her/him happy
    c. Say yes, because you’ll try anything once
    d. Say no, with no explanation and forbid your significant other from venturing into swinging.
    Well, as I personally would have no problem with this whatsoever, I suspect my first reaction would be to look into how we could make it happen. There is a swingers club in Edinburgh, so I suspect that would be my first point of call.If this question really did apply to me, I would admit that it wasn’t my thing. I wouldn’t, however, forbid them from exploring it.
  3. Have you texted nude photos to someone and had it come back to bite you in the ass – as in someone taking revenge for your misjudgement?
    Fortunately no, but then I am very careful about who I send photos to, and the ones I post online are fairly anonymous.
  4. Have you or would you ever stop having a relationship with someone who had a weight problem, and their physique drastically changed?
    Seriously? What kind of shallow bastard would do this.  I think if I were actually that kind of person, ironically, the other person could do far better than me anyway, so I’d be doing them a favour.
  5. Would you rather find true love or win the lottery with winnings of £10,000?
    I suspect possibly true love (if it exists). I’m not especially material, and while I can’t deny £10k would be a nice windfall, it wouldn’t ultimately make me a happier person.

Bonus: Which topic of conversation do you avoid at all costs – politics or religion?
I think the current state of the world is such that they are both so tightly intertwined, you almost cannot discuss one without the other being part of it; so in that respect, I try equally hard to avoid both.

ZeN

Intellectual Curiosity

#MasturbationMondayWhile this week’s prompt seemed to indicate that the topic under the magnifying glass (not literally, before any of us guys get an inferiority complex) was the penis, I’ve decided to go off on a bit of a tangent. I am male and, therefore, it kind of goes without saying that I have a penis. I have, in fact, written a number of posts on the subject of my penis. My penis and I have been life-long partners and have shared many wonderful experiences together.

So, as I said, I thought I’d go somewhere slightly different…

For the record, I have absolutely no desire to be a woman. PMT, periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause, having to put up with us guys, inherent sexism in society; no, not for me. My genetic role of the dice came up XY and for that I am eternally grateful.

However, as someone who writes about sex, and writes (hopefully fairly realistic) descriptions of sex, I am curious as to what it would feel like from the female perspective.

Now, even as a man, there is nothing stopping me from, if I were so inclined, sucking another guy’s cock, or taking a cock in my arse but (and it’s a big but), I am not so inclined. There are some sacrifices I will not make for my art.

So, when trying to write about sex from a female perspective, I have attempted to glean what it feels like from my various partners over the years.

I know what it feels like to be inside a woman and, conversely, I can sort of imagine how it must feel in reverse, but I will never know.

So, if I could spend a day a woman, how would I spend that day?

Well, it stands to reason that I would spend a fair bit of time exploring and getting to know my new bits, for the purposes of research, obviously, you understand. Experiencing both orgasm, and the frustration of its denial as a woman would give me a fantastic insight for some of my D/s stories.

And then there’s sex…

Now, this is where it gets interesting. As I’ve already pointed out, as a straight male, I have absolutely no interest, sexually, in my own gender. This poses a bit of a problem. Were my personality to be transplanted, as is, into the body of a woman, with no other changes, then presumably my sexual preferences would remain as they are; i.e. attracted to women, no interest in men.  Surely then, this would make me a lesbian?

I don’t have a real problem with this. Given my passion for cunnilingus, I guess that would still be an option, and I would get to experience it from the woman’s perspective, so it’s all good.

However, given that I’ve already said, any such switch would be for the purposes of research, and so to fully achieve this, being a woman would also mean sex with a guy, otherwise what is the point of the experiment? Could I do it? Would I be able to enjoy it is I did? How would the experience affect me when I reverted back to my own body?

Of course,  another way of looking at it would be that since I am heterosexual, the female “me” would be as well, and I would be able to fully experience and (hopefully) enjoy the feelings and sensations of what it is to be a woman being taken by a man; to experience as a “receiver” all the things I do with my partner in my natural state as the “giver”

In an ideal world, the female “me would like both men and women, but I suspect I’m possibly being greedy.

Now, if you have read any of my stories, it may be that you think that my descriptions of sex and the feelings experienced by both partners are fairly accurate, albeit that everyone’s senses and sensations are unique to them. That being the case, the exercise become somewhat academic because, ultimately, the only person whose experiences and feelings I can truly accurately describe are my own.

On the whole, I think I’ll just stick to using my imagination. It seems to work well enough. I can’t deny, however, that I do have a certain intellectual curiosity. As I mentioned at the start however, I am very happy being a man and, in particular, this man.

ZeN

Word for Wednesday – Reflection

Reflection

/rɪˈflɛkʃən/
noun
  1. the act of reflecting or the state of being reflected
  2. careful or long consideration or thought

Reflection is almost inevitable at this time of year. We look back at the things that have happened and how they have affected us. We look forward to the coming year and what might be for both good and bad.

The start of the year, although completely arbitrary, is almost by default, a time of reflection.

In my last post of 2017, I looked back at the highs I had in terms of my return to blogging. In this, my first post of 2018, my thoughts turn, as they often do, to the topic of mental health.

Helpful Numbers #MentalHealthLike many people, I find the festive period particularly difficult. I won’t bore you with my specific reasons, but suffice to say that by the time the end of the holiday period finally rolls around, I am more than happy to see the back of it. It is the one holiday that simply through the sheer effort of enduring it, leaves me more worn out and exhausted, mentally, physically and spiritually at its end than I was at its beginning.

I mentioned before, that I do not suffer from Seasonally Affected Disorder, but perhaps it would be more accurate to say that there is a very specific “season” that I find particularly hard to bear.

Every year, somewhere between Christmas Day and New Year’s Day, I make a conscious decision whether or not I carry on. In doing so, I make a positive affirmation that, having made it through the year just gone by, I will give it my best endeavours to make it to the end of the year that is to come. It isn’t a promise; it is simply a statement of what I intend to achieve. If I manage to achieve anything else between now and the end of 2018 then that is a bonus. The only resolution I ever set myself is that I try not to spend every day of the forthcoming year regretting the decision I have made.

This has not been a very positive post; mainly because I am not in a very positive place. For me it is the time of my darkest reflections.

ZeN

TMI Tuesday – Roll With It!

TMI TuesdayRoll With It!

  1. With whom would you like to take a bath?
  2. You are driving motorcycle hard down a country road, wind in your hair. Who is the hottie on the bike with you that you will be riding later?
  3. Baking naked–who is kneading your dough? 😉
  4. Come sail away, come sail away, come and sail away with me! Who is joining you for a sexy sea adventure?
  5. “I got your back.” Hands down who do you fully support, stick by no matter what, Who are you willing to help at all costs?
     
    I am kind of cheating this week but only for the simple reason that the answer to all five of the above questions is the same person. Yes, I know, it’s all a bit boring, but when you have that one special friend that you share many a wonderful sexual adventure with, they have to be first choice.

Bonus: Belly button– “inny” or “outty”? Are you going to show us? 😀
It is an “inny” and you can see plenty of evidence here.

ZeN

Schrödinger’s Wanker

#MasturbationMondaySome of you will, no doubt, be at least passingly familiar with the concept of Schrödinger’s cat; the idea postulated to explain the strange nature of quantum superpositions, in which a quantum system such as an atom or photon can exist as a combination of multiple states corresponding to different possible outcomes. The prevailing theory at the time said that a quantum system remained in this superposition until it interacted with, or was observed by, the external world, at which time the superposition collapses into one or another of the possible definite states.

Still with me?

To illustrate this. Schrödinger  proposed a scenario with a cat in a locked steel chamber, wherein the cat’s life or death depended on the state of a radioactive atom, whether it had decayed and emitted radiation or not.

One of the obvious problems with this, aside from its inherent cruelty to the cat is that, depending on how long the radioactive material actually took to decay, the cat could die for a number of totally unrelated reasons, i.e. starvation or, more likely due to need for the steel box in question to be sealed to prevent stray radiation entering from outside, asphyxiation. Another possibility is that the cat could die out of sheer boredom. All of these deaths could occur without radioactive decay and would, therefore, render the experiment invalid (and pointless).

This did get me thinking, in an oddly roundabout way, about the internet and the way we interact with each other over it.

In this scenario, the “internet” is the closed box and I am the cat/wanker in question. Now, at the time of writing this particular piece of nonsense, I am most definitely not having a wank. For one thing, I’m male and multi-tasking is not my thing, and for another, my general lack of typing ability means that I primarily use my dominant hand for both activities; so if I’m doing one, I cannot be doing the other. QED.

But what about from the readers’ frame of reference?

Assuming anyone reads this, they will be reading it at a different point of time from when I wrote it. I am, therefore, unobservable because I am inside that box that is the internet. I could therefore, be wanking and or not-wanking when you read these words. As such, I would simultaneously be performing an act of masturbation, while also not masturbating at the same time. You, my dear reader, would never know unless you were able to somehow peek inside “the box” (presumably using a web cam or similar) while reading these words.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the audience; I present to you…

Schrödinger’s Wanker…

ZeN

The One And Only Way…

Every now and then I stumble across one of those articles/posts that falls into the:

Real Doms

and:

You can’t be Dominant if you don’t

categories. These kinds of articles really piss me off.

Why?

Because they are a total load of shite!

It’s bad enough trying to kinksplain D/s to a vanilla audience but when the shite is being spouted by individuals pertaining to be in the D/s community, it just makes things worse.

D/s relationships are not about pain or punishment, they are not about forcing someone else to your will, they are not about power and control and exploitation.

Well, OK, that’s not strictly true. D/s relationships can be about those things if that is dynamic of a particular relationship. If it is, and it works, and the individuals are happy with it, then great. It can be about those things, but it doesn’t have to be.

So here’s the thing, as I see it, a D/s relationship is, first and foremost, a relationship. Every relationship is as unique as the people who live within it. Every relationship has its own dynamic, its own set of “rules” that make it work. Possibly even more so than is the case in purely vanilla relationships, trust, respect and honesty are the fundamental keystones and foundations of a D/s relationship. A Dom is not a Dom because they beat/punish/discipline their submissive. They are a Dom because they nurture and protect, guide and support their submissive. If within the context of that relationship this is demonstrated and achieved through spankings and/or other forms of discipline, then so be it. It works, so great.

Similarly, a sub isn’t a sub because they have no will of their own or are weak. Again, this may be how it plays out within a particular dynamic of a particular relationship, but it doesn’t mean it applies universally.

Even within the confines of one relationship, what was right yesterday, may not be appropriate today and what works today may, for a myriad of reasons, by off limits tomorrow.

D/s relationships have their issues and unforeseen circumstances just like any other relationship and, fundamentally, this is because they are just another relationship.

Anyone who says that “A Dom must do so and so” or “You can’t be a Dom if you don’t do such and such” or “If you are a sub, you must perform whatever” is basically talking out of their arse.  There is no one right way to do D/s just as there is no one right way to do any relationship. The fundamental essential foundations of any relationship are pretty much the same, regardless of the flavour.

If there is to be only one right way it is, quite simply, whatever way is right for you. A Dom doesn’t have to use their belt or a cane and a sub doesn’t have to be humiliated or locked up in a cage. If that’s what works for you, that’s fantastic, keep doing it and don’t let anyone else tell you that you are wrong. If it isn’t your thing, don’t feel that it should be because some “know it all” says you should. Do what is right for you because, ultimately, it’s nobody else’s business what  you and your partner(s) get up to within the context of the relationship you share with them.

ZeN

TMI Tuesday – Sexy Specifics

TMI TuesdaySexy Specifics

  1. What do you find sexiest in a woman?
    I’ve written about this before . I don’t think there is any one thing that makes a woman “sexy”. While physical appearance/attraction may be the initial hook, what draws us in and lands us is a combination of things; looks, personality, humour, attitude, confidence. A self-assured woman with a hint of vulnerability who can fuck me with her eyes before a word has been spoken is pretty much my kryptonite.
  2. What do you find least sexy in a man?
    Being male and boringly straight, the thing I find least sexy about men is that they are men.
  3. Have you ever been the other woman or man? Would you do it again?
    Yes, I have been the other man. It wasn’t the easiest or best situation, but we both knew where we stood and what we wanted out of it (basically sex). The sex was very good and there were no “deeper” expectations. Would I do it again? I suspect not. I hope I never find myself in circumstances that even come close to those I was in at the time. Having said that, I guess I can’t entirely rule the possibility out. The most accurate answer is probably that I have no intention of doing it again, but circumstances can change.
  4. Who puts more into a romantic relationship you or your significant other?
    I think both parties have to put similar amounts of work/investment into a relationship or, ultimately, it ceases to be a relationship. That’s not to say the effort is equal all the time, but it should average out so that there are no obvious imbalances.
  5. Do you have a work wife” or “office husband?
    No, but since I work from home, if I did, it would have to be my cat, which would just be weird.

Bonus: Are you in a healthy relationship? What makes you think so?
See the answer to Q4 above.

ZeN

No Worries…

Penis ProjectIt’s a strange one, isn’t it? Ask a woman what size her boobs are and, assuming she’s willing to divulge such information, she’ll tell you. Ask a man how big his cock is, and you’ll probably be met with something along the lines of: “Um, dunno, probably about 6 inches”. If you are really unlucky, he may take that as an invitation to send you a photo of it.

Now I suspect one of the reasons women know their measurements much more accurately than we men know ours is that they have to get themselves fitted to wear an uncomfortable garment that, ultimately, is still the wrong size; whereas we don’t need to worry about such things. Also, a woman’s boobs, even when modestly covered are still pretty much on display; whereas what we men have in our trousers is, by and large, more discreetly concealed.

It’s not that we men are reticent about our penises; far from it. Indeed, we seem to take the opportunity to proudly wave them about at every opportunity, so why are we generally so vague on their dimensions?

Well, for one thing, their dimensions are decidedly inconstant. Mine changes according to the mood I’m in, the temperature, whether or not I need to pee, my partner’s state of undress or what she happens to be doing at any given moment. When I’m cold it can shrivel down to virtually nothing, when aroused it is, well, whatever size it is.

The fact is that the women I’ve been with have all seemed to like it. When I was younger, before any member of the opposite sex had even seen my member, I used to have some concerns that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t “man enough” in that department, but such doubts were quickly dispelled by the first girl to see it (and subsequently feel it) and the comments that I have had directed about it have all been favourable.

#MasturbationMondayThe insecurity, such as it was, came from comparing my cock in its flaccid state with other lads my age. I am very much what you might describe as a “grower”. The other problem is, things always look smaller when you look down on them, and given that since my early teens I have been about 5′10″ that’s a reasonably long way down to look. Of course, even then, I knew that the size of a penis in its flaccid state bears no relation to its size when fully erect, but that was all I had to go on.

Even as I grew more confident, thanks to the appreciative comments of the women who saw it in the flesh, I’d still rather that their first view of it was in at least a semi-erect state.

I’m over such things now. Even when I had “hang-ups” I still knew that it wasn’t really the size that was the important thing, nor was my penis the only thing that gave women pleasure during sex.

I have learned that, ultimately, the important thing is, is that the woman I am with likes it and what I do with it. As for how big it is, um, I dunno, about 6″ I guess.

ZeN

Cheating

It’s one of those perennial “truth or dare” type questions that comes around now and again.

Have you ever cheated? If so, what were the reasons behind it, and how did you feel afterwards?

The honest answer to this question is: “Yes“. I’m not proud of the fact, despite the fact that some may say I had justification for doing so; but yes, I have cheated.

The circumstances, and I am not attempting to justify my actions, were difficult. My (then) wife had had at least three affairs that I was aware of. While not exactly turning a blind eye to such things, for the sake of my marriage and the fact that, despite this, I did love her, I was prepared to live with it. We were together for 16 years.

It was only in the last few, painful, months that I finally strayed myself.

Some might think it was a form of retaliation; it wasn’t. I didn’t actually go looking for someone else to have sex with, it just happened. The fact that the woman involved was, herself, married, only added to the generally fucked-upness of the situation.

I was at a pretty low place in terms of my depression (I had had a complete breakdown some months earlier) and I was flattered that, in my broken state, someone found me remotely attractive. The affair, such as it was, lasted about a year, continuing some six months after I eventually moved out.

Despite my circumstances, I still felt bad about it. Not because I’d held some moral high ground for sticking to my vows while my wife had flaunted hers, but because somehow I had become “that guy”; the one who uses his own sorry situation to get himself laid.

The sex, however, was very good. It filled a gap in what was left with the relationship with my wife. I didn’t feel guilty, nor did I feel a sense of vindicated retaliation. It was simply some very good sex, where there no longer was any sex at home (well, actually, there was sex going on at home, but it wasn’t me having it).

I still felt bad about it though.

Humans: we love to complicate things.

ZeN