It Started With A Dick Pic

Share Our ShitBefore I go any further, I should point out that I was coerced; honest m’lud…

I’ll get to the meat of this (as it were) in a bit, but first of all, I’ll back up a bit.

Under the guise of my hirsute alter ego, I had been tweeting and posting naughty stories since early 2011. I had, in fact, been posting stories online since about 2001, but it was during a period of illness in early 2011 that I discovered twitter, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Although I had a blog, of sorts, on which to post my stories, I wasn’t actually a blogger as such. I did the odd bit of writing as the mood and inspiration took me, and that was as far as it went.

My writing did, however, bring me into contact with other writers of erotica, and from there I discovered that there was a rich and vibrant online community of writers and bloggers with whom I identified with and was becoming increasingly a part of. I still wasn’t a blogger though.

Very much still a lurker, I began commenting on the blogs that I was reading. Those comments meant that other visitors to those blogs “discovered” my site and started visiting and commenting on my work. A certain momentum was inexorably building.

Enter (not in the biblical sense) two very, persuasive women, Cheryl Kaye and Charlie Powell (or @HornyGeekGirl or @sexblogofsorts to use their twitter names) and we get, eventually, to the point of this post.

Between them they waxed lyrical about the dearth of male sex bloggers and how much they wished for “more cock on #SinfulSunday“. Eventually I took the bait and, three years ago this weekend, I posted my very first #SinfulSunday submission.

I had actually guest posted on Cheryl’s blog a few weeks earlier and, thanks to the favourable reaction my photos were receiving, I would later re-post that article on my own blog as another of my #SinfulSunday entries.

So there you have it, the story of how this introverted occasional peddler of filth was unleashed on an unexpecting internet.

Cheryl/Charlie, if you are reading this, the credit/blame is all yours…

ZeN

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Statistically speaking

Share Our ShitI mentioned last week that 2017 has been an interesting year. For those of you who are interested in facts and figures, this post may just be for you. If, however, you are in any way “normal”, I suggest you want to skip over the blatant self promotion in the first half of this post and visit one of the blogs listed further down the page for something much more interesting.

My Blogs

So, for those of you who don’t already know (and even those of you who do), I actually have three, yes, that’s right, three blogs.

  • There is this humble journal where I whitter on about whatever flits across my mind and I deem it to be sufficiently of interest to jot it down.
  • Kilted Wookie’s Photo Album – where I share my photos.
  • A Kilted Wookie Writes – I share my erotic fiction and poetry.

Across the three, I received a total of 10,636 views. Given that I haven’t written any fiction/poetry since 2016, it’s not surprising that the majority of those views were for this site and my photos. That my writing site still pulled in 2,600 viewers without me contributing to it at all is still quite an achievement.

For each of the three blogs, the 10 most viewed posts were:

The Zen Nudist

  1. In Praise Of Pussy
  2. The Myth Of The Perfect Blow-Job
  3. Oral Sex – The Be And End All?
  4. No Worries
  5. Taking Myself In Hand
  6. A Confession
  7. Dominance Through Cunnilingus
  8. Fine Dining
  9. Split Personalities
  10. In The Mind
Kilted Wookie’s Photo Album

  1. Looking Up
  2. Up And Under
  3. What’s Cooking?
  4. Left, Right & Centre
  5. Dappled
  6. Business (Un)dress
  7. Blue Splash
  8. At Ease
  9. Hotel Corridors
  10. Dick(ie) Bow
A Kilted Wookie Writes

  1. Oral Foreplay
  2. Dee’s Double Delight
  3. The Making Of An Adulteress
  4. Seònaid’s Big Night In
  5. Under The Covers
  6. Blindfolded And Taken
  7. Hotel Get Together
  8. Sexual Symphony
  9. Ready And Rough
  10. The Train Home

My Visitors

Despite being Scottish and living in Scotland (that’s the top third bit of the United Kingdom for those who don’t know), the majority of my visitors came from the USA. The top ten countries by visitor number were:

  1. United States
  2. Great Britain
  3. Canada
  4. Ireland
  5. Australia
  6. New Zealand
  7. Netherlands
  8. Germany
  9. Spain
  10. Sweden

Given that I blog entirely in English, it’s no great surprise that the majority of my visitors come from the English speaking world, but for those of you for whom English is not your first language, I am deeply humbled that you choose to drop by.

Referrals 

It’s not at all surprising that a lot of people come to me via the blogging memes I participate in; so, as always, a huge “Thank You!” to Kayla, Marie and Molly for organising these. The top 10 referring sites were:

  1. Twitter
  2. #SinfulSunday
  3. WordPress Reader
  4. #MasturbationMonday
  5. #WickedWednesday
  6. Adult Blog Hub
  7. Search Engines (Google, Yahoo, Bing)
  8. #KinkOfTheWeek
  9. Tumblr
  10. e[lust]

Where do people go?

Of course it’s not all one-way traffic. The people who visit my blog, click through to other blogs; either via the links in my blogroll, the blogs I link to in my posts or the comments other bloggers leave on my posts. the Top 10 bloggers that I sent traffic to in 2017 were:

  1. Tabitha Rayne by (@TabithaErotica)
  2. Nerdy Dirty Girl by (@SuburbanSex)
  3. Confess Hannah by (@confess_Hannah)
  4. Fire & Honey by (@fireandhoney)
  5. Girl on the Net by (@girlonthenet)
  6. Nooky Ever After by (@nookysemper)
  7. Cleareyed Girl by (@_Masterseye)
  8. Jerusalem Mortimer by (@JaimeMortimer)
  9. A to sub-Bee by (@sub_bee)
  10. Aurora Glory by (@AuroraGloryBlog)

So there you have it; everything you probably never actually wanted to know about my blog and the people who visit it.

ZeN

My blogging year

Share Our Shit2017 has been an interesting year. Having been on hiatus for most of 2016, if you’d said to me back in January that I would be blogging again, I’d have probably laughed at you (albeit, given my mood at the time, laughing wasn’t something that came particularly naturally nor easily, but I digress…). When the year started I was content to lurk, dipping in and out of other people’s blogs occasionally, and keeping in vague contact with some of my fellow bloggers via twitter and/or whatsapp.

January moved on into February, as it always does, and this, of course, means that the lovely Molly unleashes February Photo Fest on the world. I’m not entirely sure why, but in the guise of my furry alter ego, I decided to contribute, and the rest, as the say, was history.

Of course, the fact that I was posting photographs meant, almost be default, that I returned to the #SinfulSunday family.

I’ve always been a big fan of #SinfulSunday because of its inclusive and positive group of contributors; always supportive, never judgemental, and the quality of the submissions is simply stunning. So much so, that I am always stunned when one of my efforts makes it into the weekly top 5. This year, that happened on 5 occasions:

Huge thanks to the above bloggers for choosing my photos when there are always so many fantastic images to pic every week.

The following photos were also featured by other bloggers:

Posting photos meant I was also, once again, able to participate in the Scavenger Hunt  hosted by Jade.

While I was posting photos, I still wasn’t “blogging” per se. I wasn’t doing any writing, nor did I have very much to say on the subject of kink/sex.

When I did start blogging again, the half-formed intention was that it would be more of a personal journal, rather than an actual sex blog. I needed a slightly different voice for a different side of my personality. For that, and a host of other reasons that I explained earlier, The Zen Nudist was born.

Unlike my previous blog which got deleted in 2016, this blog would, it was intended, be somewhere where I would post whatever I had on my mind rather than concentrate specifically on kink/sex. To that end, it has more or less lived up to its intended purpose, but almost inevitably, the two areas I tend to blog about most are mental health/depression and sex. Sometimes, I even manage to combine them both in the same post.

Writing about sex, of course, brought me back to some more of the wonderful memes that members of this community curate, namely:

Once again, despite there being many excellent contributions, some of my posts have been included in the weekly round-ups:

In addition to the above, a big “thank you” goes to May More for including me in her #SoSS postings and another to Jaime Mortimer for including me in a top 5 sharing of blogging love for #WickedWednesday.

Having met Big Miss Naughty/Scot Bad Girl, Ms Handful, Honey, Exposing 40 and The Other Livvy previously, 2017 was the year where I also managed to meet Exhibit A and Lapsed Catholic.

Sadly, of course, much as I did in 2016, some of the above have chosen to either stop blogging or remove their blogs entirely during 2017. If they are reading this, then they should know that they are missed.

So, that was 2017. Let’s see where the journey takes us in 2018…

ZeN

The Naughty List

The 2017 Naughty ListIt’s that time of year again; when the mince pies you bought from whichever supermarket chain you frequent back in September have passed their “use-by” date, you can’t escape from Wham, Slade or Mariah Carey, and that fat, judgemental git in the red suit starts checking up on us again.

Well, fuck that; naughty IS nice as far as I’m concerned and, with that thought in mind, I bring you my 2017 “Naughty List“.

I compiled my first naughty list in 2015. Sadly, it no longer exists, and neither do quite a few of the blogs that were on it. I was on a bit of a hiatus in 2016 and so didn’t compile a list last year. Since my return, I’ve discovered a number of new blogs and been reacquainted with some old favourites.

I won’t bore you with the reasons as to why I like a particular blog or blogger; suffice to say that these are the ones I keep coming back to most often.  If you are on my list of bad girls and boys, congratulations, if you aren’t, sorry; we can still be friends can’t we?

So here, in the spirit of “Sharing Our Shit“, without any further ado, and in no order whatsoever I give you:

The ZeN Nudist/Kilted Wookie Naughty List 2017

Wear your (limited edition) “Naughty List” membership badge with pride…

ZeN

Share Our Shit

Naughty Scotland

Naughty ScotlandWhen I first started out, I wasn’t even aware that there was a Sex Blogging Community; it was just me, writing and posting my naughty stories. Now, of course, I am aware that I am part of a wonderfully rich and diverse community of sex positive people, who share their thoughts and opinions, write amazingly hot stories and poems, and post fantastic photographs.  All of them amazingly talented, and I am proud to part of this world.

Anyway, it was St. Andrew’s Day on Thursday and, as you are probably aware, I am Scottish. And since, apparently, we Scots actually “invented” sex in the first place (thank you Microbrachius dicki), I thought it was only appropriate that I should take this opportunity to give a little publicity to those of us from North of the Wall. There may well be others out there that I have not yet discovered, so please let me know of any that I have missed.

(Naughty) Scotswha hae…

Share Our Shit

Here’s tae us
Wha’s like us
Damn few
And they’re a’ deid
Mairs the pity!

Sadly, not all of the above are still active, however, if you are Scottish and/or live in Scotland, and have a blog that you’d like included on this list, just leave me a comment below.

ZeN

Ssshhh! It’s A Secret…

Share Our ShitI’ve had a few chats about anonymity in the context of our community of late. It seems we occupy a very polarised section of reality.

There are some bloggers, who are pretty much “out”. I’m thinking along the lines of people like Molly Moore and Tabitha Rayne. Whether or not they use their real names or pen names, their identities are pretty much known. They show their faces, and other bits. They are out and proud.

Then there are the “halfways”. This time I’m thinking May More and Helen Scott. They use what may (or may not) be their real names. They blog openly about subjects that affect/interest them personally. They participate in (potentially) revealing memes like #SinfulSunday. And yet, for all that we know that both have cracking breasts, we don’t really know who they are; we never see their faces.

Finally, there are the “anons”. People like Girl on The Net and myself (not that I’m holding myself out as being in her league). For all that we frankly discuss the aspects of sex and sexuality that interest and/or concern us, we remain hidden behind pseudonyms, our identities hidden to all but a trusted few who have met and know us.

Now this, sadly, is quite understandable. While the activities we in the community discuss so freely are “normal”, so called polite society does not deem them suitable for public consumption. There are many people who would not approve of me if they knew I was a sex blogger.  I would almost certainly suffer professionally, despite the fact that the topics I write about are well within the bounds of what is considered to be normal human behaviour. It’s simply that, I write about a part of human behaviour that is conducted, for the most part, behind closed doors, and which, it seems, the majority of people would prefer not to be discussed at all.

Now, because I participate in #SinfulSunday, and occasionally post more explicit images on tumblr, it is, I guess, perceivable that my real identity could be gleaned by some sharp-eyed viewer. This is a risk I accept. Similarly, I enjoy meeting members of the community in real life and try to do so wherever my work travels take me. It is, after all, always nice to put a face to the boobs and/or arses I see every week. But every time I do so, I am entrusting them with my most precious secret, the real me. Of course, they are placing the same trust in me. There is, I guess you could say, an element of Mutually Assured Destruction in place.

Partially in jest, I once commented to Exposing40 that one of the bizarre things about our community is that often, the face is the last bit of each other that we see. It’s kind of inevitable I guess; It wouldn’t exactly be appropriate for us to meet up in a public location and try and identify each other by our naughty bits after all. That said, given that we would likely be the only people present with said naughty bits on display might make it a bit easier.

I fully accept and understand why those of us who blog openly about sex need to be protective of our identities, I just wish that now, in the 21st Century, such secrecy wasn’t required.

Which, finally, brings me to the point of this rambling post. \this community is what it is because of the wonderful people who contribute to it; the writers, the reviewers, the photographers, the bloggers, the readers, the commenters and the lurkers. We need to look out for each other. The more observant among you may have noticed this post is slightly more link heavy than usual and the reason for that is that we need to “Share our Shit!

Zen

In The Mind

#MasturbationMondayTo me, the question as to which is the most important sexual organ is, if you’ll pardon the mixed oxymoron, a no-brainer.  It is the mind that interprets the stimuli received by our senses, it is the mind that generates desire. It is our mind that creates the eroticism of words and images, and it is our mind that dictates our responses. Different parts of my body are assigned different tasks; my lips are assigned the task of kissing you, my tongue gets then task of licking you, my fingers get the job of caressing you and my cock gets given responsibility for fucking you. It is, however, my mind that is control of each action; orchestrating and coordinating the sensual whole.

I will admit that I used to use contact/hook-up sites (Twitter isn’t really one of those, now, is it?). The biggest and most common complaint from women using these sites was about the lack of originality/imagination shown by the male users. All too often, it seems, “communication” from us men was a picture of our cock and a well thought out, highly eloquent one-liner, that went along the lines of: “hey babe, wanna fuk u.” Now, I am sure there are some women out there who appreciate this direct approach, but for the most part, given that these sites are a buyer’s market, with women very much the “buyers”, most, I think, preferred a little more effort than simply stating the blindingly obvious, i.e. that we wanted to fuck. There was, after all, a bit of a clue in the nature of the sites we were using.

Now for me, the whole “stimulate her mind and her body will follow” philosophy was part of the reason I started writing erotic fiction. It was a way of demonstrating that I am articulate, imaginative and, in a way, it gives a certain insight into the kind of things, sexually, that I enjoy.  In the context of hook-up sites, at some point during the correspondence, assuming I’d piqued their initial interest by not leading with my cock and by stringing a couple of paragraphs together, I could ask if they liked such stories and, if the answer was yes, point them in the direction of my site (well, it’s predecessor to be strictly accurate).

Surprisingly (or not), my approach did sometimes succeed. I’m not saying it was my writing that got me laid, but it was the fact that I’d taken the time to think about the person I was contacting, show that I’d taken an interest in what they had to say, and shown that I could think coherently about more than what was (if all went well) the desired and pleasurable (for her as well as me, I hope) endgame.

Mental stimulation, whilst vital in the initial making an impression stages, is no less important when you are in a relationship.  For me, part of foreplay is the drawn out flirting/sexting that goes on between us when we are not together.  This usually starts pretty much after we have seen each other, and continues almost right up until the moment we are next together. Time is often short, and so much of the “preparation” is done before we even see each other.

Being able to think sexy, and, more importantly, making the other person think sexy is, for me at least, a key part of the sex we have. Yes, it can lead to frustration, but it is a lot of fun being to turn someone on when you aren’t in their presence, and the frustration can be relieved when you do finally see each other. There is something wonderful about being able to build and maintain arousal and desire over a number of hours, days, even weeks if required, using just words from your imagination, telling her exactly what I intend to do, and what I want her to do. Knowing that she is wet and aching for me from just the words I have sent her, telling her of my hunger for her is, of itself, hugely arousing.

It is the equivalent  of edging her mind with mine.

So my advice, had I been inclined to give it to those “Ugh! Wanna Fuk!” guys, and thus increase the competition for the more articulate out there, would have been, if you really want to get into her knickers, you should try getting into her mind first.

ZeN

TMI Tuesday – Sex On The Brain

Sex on the Brain

  1. Is a weird “sex face/orgasm face” a total deal-breaker?
    Simple answer “No”. Nine times out of ten I’m probably face down between her thighs when she’s doing her “O” face, so it’s not something I see often anyway. That said, I love seeing that dreamily content “being fucked” look on her face.
  2. Do you enjoy having your balls played with?
    This is a trick question? I’m male, what do you think? Yes, yes and thrice YES!!!
  3. Have you ever hooked-up with somebody based on their proximity to your smartphone location (Tinder, GRINDR, etc)?
    Not based exactly on location, although, through Twitter, we did once discover that we would both be at a the same venue on a particular date and we did, of course, take advantage of this situation.
  4. You have some free-time in the workday–blow job or intercourse? (BJ can be giving or receiving).
    Depends how much free-time we’re talking about. but all variations on the theme, including me going down on her, have happened at some point. It can be kind of awkward if your boss phones you though…
  5. How long after having sex with a new partner do you have to wait before falling asleep?
    Depends on the location and circumstances I guess. If you’re sufficiently comfortable in each other’s presence, and drowsy enough, why not?

TMI TuesdayBonus: What’s the dirtiest or sexiest text message you’ve ever received?
Sexting/flirting is pretty much a daily occurrence, so there’s been too many to be specific. Getting a text telling me that she wants fucked the moment I get in the door and is waiting is pretty hot though.

ZeN

Split Personalities

Like many people on the “darker” fringes of the blogging world, I split my online presence into Certificate-U “Vanilla” and Certificate-18 “NSFW” categories.  To keep them separate, and to avoid the risk of crossover, I even go so far as to use different apps for each; Google Chrome for Cert-U and Mozilla for Cert-18, Twitter App for Cert-U, Tweetcaster/Tweetdeck for Cert-18.

Even with that, my devices still sometimes try to merge my contacts across both personae, or suggest that one me might know the other me.

I suspect that this is not uncommon for members of this particular online community; a community where we balance openness with a need for privacy/discretion. Some people are fully out, and I am sometimes a little envious of their ability to walk freely among us; but I suspect the majority of us live much more anonymous/pseudonymous lives.

My situation is slightly more confusing.  Not intentionally, but it’s ended up that way. My NSFW side now has three blogs split across two personae.

Why?

As I said, accidental, not intentional.

I used to lump all things NSFW under the Kilted Wookie persona. My stories, my photographs and my thoughts and observations were all lumped together in one blog. It was simple. It worked.

Only one problem, my mental health

About a year ago I went through a bit of a meltdown. I tore everything down. I deleted pretty much everything to do with Kilted Wookie. The only exception was Twitter. Even there I actually deleted all the tweets from the account.  I didn’t delete the account itself because KW was and had been a very big part of me, and even if I wasn’t using that persona, I didn’t want anyone else adopting it, so I kept the account and left it dormant.

After a while, I relented to an extent, and put my stories, back online. I haven’t written any new ones, but they are still there for people to read and (hopefully) enjoy. I was still dormant in the community, but I at least had a presence.

Some of you may know that, writing (if you can dignify my efforts as such) aside, my big passion is photography. Now, in addition to the wonderful #SinfulSunday meme (of which I have been a participant of since 2015, Molly also runs February Photo Fest. It just so happened that by the time this year’s collection rolled around, I was in a much better place mentally. I also had a bucket load of photos that I had taken as potential #SinfulSunday  posts, but had never got around to sharing. I decided to take the plunge; #NaughtyHastags was born.

There was one small snag: TWITTER.

I still had the account, but I couldn’t remember the password. As part of the online purge, I had also deleted the email account that was associated with @Kilted_Wookie. The result was that I had no way back into that account and so, I became @ZenNudist.

Ultimately, by sheer fluke, the KW password insinuated itself back into my consciousness, and I was able to link up the photo blog to it (the writing blog had always been attached so if I had actually done any writing, that would have come through). By then though, @ZenNudist had become my established identity on Twitter and it would have been probably even more confusing than it already was to move back and re-establish @Kilted_Wookie.

So, there you have it: the mixed up, slightly strange journey to how I became two versions of the same person, with three different blogs, simultaneously.

Confused? I am, so I could hardly blame you if you are.

ZeN

Social Media v Mental Health

I have a bit of a love hate relationship with social media; in particular with Twitter. I also have depression.

Like many people with mental health problems, I have found a wonderfully supportive community of people, many of them who are fighting their own demons, but who take the time out to utter a few words of encouragement because they can empathise because of their own circumstances. Even when I have been at my most out of love with Twitter, the community has always been there. There are people, far to numerous to mention individually, who have helped me through some of the darkest and lowest periods of my life, and I cannot express how grateful I am for their support.

There are many, like me, who use Twitter in good times and bad; sharing both our joys and our sorrows. Sadly, that can sometimes be its biggest problem instead of its greatest strength.

It’s a symptom of many mental health issues that, at their worst, you feel as if you are the only one in pain; that no one else can possibly understand the sheer hell that your life is and the constant torment and anguish that accompanies the very act of living. People like me who use Twitter as their platform to howl at the moon can, possibly, be guilty of over-sharing. It’s not deliberate, it’s just our mental pain can sometimes blind us to the pain and suffering of others.  Flip side of the coin being that it deepens our empathy and causes us to take their pains and worries and couple them with our own.

It’s a fine line to walk. I have, on occasion, been accused of being a self-obsessed attention seeker when I am at my lowest. When I return from the depths to the shallows that I more frequently inhabit, I can understand why people might think that. Depression and other mental health conditions do tend to make you focus your attention inwards. Sufferers look inward, seeing their own faults magnified, we withdraw, we shut others out, we lose interest in the world around us, encased in our impenetrable shell of darkness. There are times when I cannot think of others because I need to concentrate all of my energy and attention on just getting myself through the day. What, from the outside may look like selfishness and self-absorption is, more accurately, simply survival.

Sometimes I need to withdraw from the community that otherwise supports and sustains me. Sometimes I need to do it for my own peace of mind, and at other times I do it to avoid inflicting the very worst of myself on people whose own stability could really do without being burdened by my woes as well as their own.

Twitter is a fantastic source of solace an succour from people who know and understand the battles people fight with their demons, because they do so themselves. It can, however, also seem like the darkest of places, when all around is doom and misery.

Writing this, the love/hate isn’t actually, I realise, directed at Twitter; it is more a reflection of my own emotional state and the way I feel about myself. There are days when I hate myself more or less than others. There are days when the world will bring me down, and others where I owe it to the world to stay in hibernation until the worst has passed.

Mental health issues are definitely no picnic but, having said that, knowing the type of people who make up my audience, I suspect anyone reading this already knows that.

ZeN