Tell the Truth
- A friend gave you a pie touting it as a favourite family recipe, and you ate this pie and got sick–or had an allergic reaction. The friend calls a few days later to ask, “How did you like the pie?” What would you say?
I would have to be honest and say I got sick (as it may have had some off ingredients) or an allergy (so that they know not to give me the same thing again). I would also let them know that, despite the unfortunate consequences, whether or not I liked it.
- Your significant other really wants to try the “swingers’ lifestyle” but you really do not want to do this. Do you:
a. Tell him/her no, you are not interested
b. Do it, and go along to make her/him happy
c. Say yes, because you’ll try anything once
d. Say no, with no explanation and forbid your significant other from venturing into swinging.
Well, as I personally would have no problem with this whatsoever, I suspect my first reaction would be to look into how we could make it happen. There is a swingers club in Edinburgh, so I suspect that would be my first point of call.If this question really did apply to me, I would admit that it wasn’t my thing. I wouldn’t, however, forbid them from exploring it.
- Have you texted nude photos to someone and had it come back to bite you in the ass – as in someone taking revenge for your misjudgement?
Fortunately no, but then I am very careful about who I send photos to, and the ones I post online are fairly anonymous.
- Have you or would you ever stop having a relationship with someone who had a weight problem, and their physique drastically changed?
Seriously? What kind of shallow bastard would do this. I think if I were actually that kind of person, ironically, the other person could do far better than me anyway, so I’d be doing them a favour.
- Would you rather find true love or win the lottery with winnings of £10,000?
I suspect possibly true love (if it exists). I’m not especially material, and while I can’t deny £10k would be a nice windfall, it wouldn’t ultimately make me a happier person.
Bonus: Which topic of conversation do you avoid at all costs – politics or religion?
I think the current state of the world is such that they are both so tightly intertwined, you almost cannot discuss one without the other being part of it; so in that respect, I try equally hard to avoid both.
Roll With It!
- With whom would you like to take a bath?
- You are driving motorcycle hard down a country road, wind in your hair. Who is the hottie on the bike with you that you will be riding later?
- Baking naked–who is kneading your dough? 😉
- Come sail away, come sail away, come and sail away with me! Who is joining you for a sexy sea adventure?
- “I got your back.” Hands down who do you fully support, stick by no matter what, Who are you willing to help at all costs?
I am kind of cheating this week but only for the simple reason that the answer to all five of the above questions is the same person. Yes, I know, it’s all a bit boring, but when you have that one special friend that you share many a wonderful sexual adventure with, they have to be first choice.
Bonus: Belly button– “inny” or “outty”? Are you going to show us? 😀
It is an “inny” and you can see plenty of evidence here.
- What do you find sexiest in a woman?
I’ve written about this before . I don’t think there is any one thing that makes a woman “sexy”. While physical appearance/attraction may be the initial hook, what draws us in and lands us is a combination of things; looks, personality, humour, attitude, confidence. A self-assured woman with a hint of vulnerability who can fuck me with her eyes before a word has been spoken is pretty much my kryptonite.
- What do you find least sexy in a man?
Being male and boringly straight, the thing I find least sexy about men is that they are men.
- Have you ever been the other woman or man? Would you do it again?
Yes, I have been the other man. It wasn’t the easiest or best situation, but we both knew where we stood and what we wanted out of it (basically sex). The sex was very good and there were no “deeper” expectations. Would I do it again? I suspect not. I hope I never find myself in circumstances that even come close to those I was in at the time. Having said that, I guess I can’t entirely rule the possibility out. The most accurate answer is probably that I have no intention of doing it again, but circumstances can change.
- Who puts more into a romantic relationship you or your significant other?
I think both parties have to put similar amounts of work/investment into a relationship or, ultimately, it ceases to be a relationship. That’s not to say the effort is equal all the time, but it should average out so that there are no obvious imbalances.
- Do you have a “work wife” or “office husband”?
No, but since I work from home, if I did, it would have to be my cat, which would just be weird.
Bonus: Are you in a healthy relationship? What makes you think so?
See the answer to Q4 above.
Spice it up!
- Why should you have sex on a first date?
Why not? If the chemistry is there and both of you are willing, just go for it if it seems right. If the sex is “passable” then you know it may be worth trying again. If the sex is downright awful, then you probably know it’s not going anywhere, but at least you both got a shag.
- Why do you like giving oral sex?
I had to change this question because as a sensualist it is something I love doing and I love everything about going down on a woman; the taste, the scent, the sounds, her every reaction. Quite simply, it’s something I can’t get enough of.
- Tongue or no tongue? Explain.
Tongue – just because it’s natural. The more aroused you get, the more it’s likely to happen.
- Would you have a sugar daddy or sugar mama?
No. Even as someone who identifies as “Dominant”, I’ve always felt uncomfortable about the term “Daddy”. Not being judgemental because I appreciate that it works in some couples’ dynamic and that kink is a very personal thing, it’s just not my thing.
- What’s a sure sign that you need to get laid?
It’s a day of the week that has the letter “Y” in it’s name. In all seriousness though, I don’t think I ever actually do need to get laid but I am aware that sometimes my frustration could do with some release and, given my tendency towards “orgasmic reticence” when I have a wank, the best way to relieve it is a bloody good shag.
Bonus: Right this very second, which do you prefer– to make love or fuck like a wild animal?
Full disclosure, at this moment, neither; I’d rather be asleep as I’ve been on the go since 4am. I’ve never liked the term “make love”; it implies that sex and love are the same thing which, in my opinion, they most definitely are not. You can have sex with someone you don’t love and you can love someone without having sex with them. Love is an emotion, sex is a physical (and mental) activity. The upshot of this is that I am definitely #TeamFuck.
- Why would you go to a therapist?
a. You need support
b. You want to take responsibility for your life’s outcomes?
c. You need guidance and to be told what to do
I have been to a therapist/counsellor because of my depression. I went because I need some extra support. I needed to discuss what was in my head with someone on the outside, who wasn’t directly involved or affected by my moods. Seeking help was a way of taking back some element of control when my depression had dragged me down to the very bottom.
- Thinking of the main lover in your life, what is sex for her:
a. stress relief, tension reliever
b. a way to show love
c. something exciting she likes to do
I would think that it is a combination of all three to some extent, but primarily it would be something that she enjoys doing and wants to do. The fact that it is me that she wants to do it with is something I never take for granted.
- Do you feel a partner is being invasive for wanting to know your plans and inner thoughts?
Not inherently so, no. It’s all part of the communication that relationships need to grow and deepen. That said, there are time I want what’s in my mind to stay there. Not out of any desire for secrecy, just that I need to reflect on it a bit longer before deciding on the best course of action for dealing with whatever is on my mind.
- In your opinion, what is intimate sharing?
It is anything that you chose to share with another person that effectively gives them something they could use against you. It’s trusting another person with the things that make you who you are.
- Would you enjoy a weekend by yourself, without the company of your partner? Where would you go? What would you do?
There is no “would I?” about it. I have done and no doubt will do again. I think it is important for everyone to have some time that is just for them, be it a weekend, or nothing more than 10 minutes. Sometimes you need that space to allow you to heal/care for yourself. It may seem a little bit selfish, but I believe you can’t truly care for someone else without caring for yourself first; if only because it make the task of caring for you that little bit easier for them
Bonus: Would you buy an outfit that you love, knowing that your partner will hate it? Then would you wear it as well?
Depends on the circumstances but yes. There would be times I could wear it when she wouldn’t have to see it, so I don’t see it really being an issue.
- Have you ever had sex in the changing room of a store?
Yes. John Lewis in Edinburgh. It was 1990 and my girlfriend at the time worked there. It was her lunch break.
- Ever blindfolded your partner for sex or have you been blindfolded during sex?
Both. There is a certain additional excitement from being in a position where you get no visual clues as to what your partner will do next.
- Who out there likes to be tied up for sex?
I’ve allowed myself to be restrained on occasion, but I much prefer to be the one that is actually doing the tying than being then one who is tied.
- Shower sex…yea or nay? Why?
Not fussed either way. Penetration can be a bit awkward when the woman is considerably shorter than me. Caressing and stroking and feeling the warm water on our bodies is nice though.
- Ever done a striptease for a lover?
No, but a lover has done one for me. Add in some of the restraint I mentioned in #3 above and the whole “look but can’t touch, (although can be touched and licked and sucked)” thing going on was quite an experience.
Bonus: What are you thinking?
Being brutally honest, given my current whole low mood thing, not a hell of a lot.
The Psychology of Sex
- For you, can sex be separated from love?
Yes. Absolutely. Sex within the context of a loving relationship can add an extra layer of intimacy and feeling to it, but at the end of the day, sex and desire are simply physical responses. Combining them can be fantastic, but it is not essential. I haven’t had sex with everyone I have loved and neither have I loved everyone I have had sex with
- Can sex be separated from caring?
Again, yes it can. I’m fairly certain that people who commit sexual assault do not care about their victims.
- Does sex seem to be something that you can never get enough of and are constantly seeking or thinking about?
No. Well, I’ll caveat that. Maybe not so much in my 40s as I did in my late teens and 20s. It’s not something I give much concious thought to at all, and I’m happy with the amount I get. That’s not to say I wouldn’t gladly have more, but it’s not something I lose sleep over (apart from when I’m actually “losing sleep” doing it).
- Is sex secondary to intimacy, physical closeness, and commitment?
I’d say Yes and No. Sex is just one form of intimacy, along with physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, etc. To have a rounded relationship, you need to be intimate on all levels. In the context of “a relationship” it’s maybe not so much a case of primary/secondary as being part of the overall mix that will wax and wane in importance depending on circumstance. In a purely sexual encounter, the other forms of intimacy probably don’t even enter into the equation.
- Who is more discriminating in choosing sexual partners–you or your significant other?
Since we chose each other, we’re probably as good/bad at discriminating as each other. You could argue that my taste in women is impeccable whereas her taste in men is bloody awful…
Bonus: Who is more likely to take on additional sexual partners, you or your significant other? In a non-mono/poly set up, I suspect it’s probably pretty much even. The key is that it’s out there in the open and that, as in so many things, whether you are poly or mono, trust and honest are the key factors.
Sex on the Brain
- Is a weird “sex face/orgasm face” a total deal-breaker?
Simple answer “No”. Nine times out of ten I’m probably face down between her thighs when she’s doing her “O” face, so it’s not something I see often anyway. That said, I love seeing that dreamily content “being fucked” look on her face.
- Do you enjoy having your balls played with?
This is a trick question? I’m male, what do you think? Yes, yes and thrice YES!!!
- Have you ever hooked-up with somebody based on their proximity to your smartphone location (Tinder, GRINDR, etc)?
Not based exactly on location, although, through Twitter, we did once discover that we would both be at a the same venue on a particular date and we did, of course, take advantage of this situation.
- You have some free-time in the workday–blow job or intercourse? (BJ can be giving or receiving).
Depends how much free-time we’re talking about. but all variations on the theme, including me going down on her, have happened at some point. It can be kind of awkward if your boss phones you though…
- How long after having sex with a new partner do you have to wait before falling asleep?
Depends on the location and circumstances I guess. If you’re sufficiently comfortable in each other’s presence, and drowsy enough, why not?
Bonus: What’s the dirtiest or sexiest text message you’ve ever received?
Sexting/flirting is pretty much a daily occurrence, so there’s been too many to be specific. Getting a text telling me that she wants fucked the moment I get in the door and is waiting is pretty hot though.
- Can a penis be too big?
Apparently they can. I’m fairly certain mine is pretty average. Certainly, I’ve never had any complaints one way or the other.
- Can a vagina be too tight?
I’ve never encountered one that was. That said, if in doubt, lube, lube and more lube.
- Does playing with fake tits give you the same satisfaction and response as fondling real breasts?
I’ve never (knowingly) played with cosmetically enhanced boobs so I genuinely don’t know. I suspect the difference would be noticeable.
- Fill in the blank: I prefer ____ over having sex.
When I’m having sex, there’s nothing I prefer. When I’m not having sex, I prefer the little things like, eating, drinking, breathing, you know, the daily essentials.
- If a stranger offered you $30 US to lick your boots or shoes, while you are wearing them, would you accept? If no, how much money would it take for you to accept the offer?
If they really wanted to, I guess, why not? So long as they didn’t want me to reciprocate.
Bonus: No bonus question today unless you want to share something, anything. Have a great rest of the week.
Nothing to share, as such, but feel free to vote on my Twitter poll.